For my unnamed brother (1943-1943)

i was left out
i was chosen second & then left out
i was left
handed i was left
to fend for myself i
was the second in
command the second
in line i came
without direction

*
i want the
milk i want my
first pick i want
choice & all its implications there was a

*
residue of
scar
between us it chafed
when we rubbed our
chests together

*
hello, brother, hello?
hello in there, brother, can you
hear me? it's a long
tunnel to the grave speak

you were my
first god i was rapt in your
coming
(mother better
eat her vegetables, she better chew) choo
choo

what's bitter between us

*
i want the
milk i need it for my
teeth they're
soft the gums
bleed there's the evidence

on my toothbrush i got the
second draft i need calcium
to make up i

got a job
& left
i don't know where you're
buried

*
what do you
need? what will make you
happy? what do you
want? the dead
do have mouths &
appetites suck it
up there's plenty in the ice
box more
where that came from

*
if somebody
asked me what's
next i wouldn't
know i took my hands off
her like something
hot or fragile or in
pain i was
aghast at suffering how you can feed
& feed it
& it's never
full

*
there's a separation
between us a suppuration there's just the
space of an idea i don't know what's
missing it's a blind
spot sometimes my left eye
focuses & it's like looking at
both of us through a
window

*
i'm telling you the
facts of life for
you haven't been told
you're in your late
fifties you're dis-
eased or disinterested a
queer unable to
come out of the casket OK

*
you live this
life i'll live the
next she only has enough milk for
one baby i'll go
around this
time you come the
next that time you'll have a
better mother i

promise you that